Dear Family and Friends,

Dear Family & Friends,  

After 9 months of waiting, praying, longing, hoping— little Ella is on her way home! We are overjoyed at God’s grace, but we also realize this will be a season of adjustment for our family. We know that each of you reading this letter has– in some way– supported, loved and prayed for us. Because we know your care for Ella and our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip everyone around her to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation – emotionally, physically and spiritually.

In many ways, Ella  will be like the children who entered our family through birth; we will seek to bring all of them up in the instruction and discipline of the Lord. But there will be a few, initial differences in the way we have parented in the past. 
 

We are confident of this: God’s design is PERFECT! His plan for parents and children is a beautiful and meaningful picture of His love for us. Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses & calms the baby – which teaches her that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God’s very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.

Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. Ella has experienced the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. When Ella comes home, she will be overwhelmed. Everything around her will be new and she will need to learn not just about her new environment, but also about love and family. She has not experienced God’s design for a family having lived in an orphanage setting. Her world is turned upside down. She may struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs. The good news is that we can now, as Ella's parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help her heal from these emotional wounds.

 

The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed her. As this repeats between us, she will be able to learn that Mom and Dad are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once Ella starts to establish this important bond, she will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships. Ella will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her at times, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways, and we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are a forever family. You may also notice us tighten our circle a bit, stay close to home, and we may seem a little less available socially, for a while. Please know that these decisions are prayerfully and thoughtfully made choices based on our personal research and instruction from trusted adoption mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help her heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible. 

Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping our Ella settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us: 

The first is to set physical boundaries. We cannot WAIT to see some of you at the airport when we arrive home!! Keep in mind…It will help us immensely if adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Ella. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone – which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Ella should know that the people with whom she interacts are our trusted family and friends. She is going to love each and every one of you!! 

 

Another area is redirecting Ella's desire to have his physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having us (Brad and I) meet those needs. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually something that isn’t good for the child. To share this is difficult for us because you have openly loved on our other children and we have loved on yours as well, and treasure that connection. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have Ella hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you. But until she has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct her to us if you see that she is seeking out food, affection or comfort.

 

Also, please feel free to ask us any questions at any time. We are learning, too, and are grateful that you are seeking with us to help Ella feel loved, safe, and secure. We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us. We couldn’t ask for a better extended family & circle of friends for our precious Ella. Thank you so much for your love and support over the past year. We are truly blessed!!!

We look forward to seeing you all once we arrive home September 1st!!!

Blessings,

Tessa and Brad


And now a more satirical take on the matter...I borrowed this from a blog I love.

An Open Letter to Anyone We Might Encounter Post Adoption:
 

In less than a week, we will finally be traveling to China to pick up our child. Here are a few things I’d like our family and friends to know beforehand. (And YES, I’ll probably be seriously tempted to pass this letter out among complete strangers as well.) 

#1 We will be traveling from Huntsville to China, through the entire country of China, and then back to Huntsville. This will include several NIGHT and DAY time changes. We will be a #HotMess. Thank you for understanding! #WeNeedGrace #LotsOfIt

#2 Our new daughter will not feel lucky. In fact, for her, this will most closely resemble a kidnapping. We are ripping her away from everything and everyone she has ever known. This will be incredibly traumatic. It will be worth it.

#3 Trauma is expressed in different ways. My children may appear distant, hyper, angry, autistic, overly friendly or perhaps, perfectly fine. The child you see now, will not be the child you see in a few weeks, a few months, or a few years…

#4 She will grieve. My heart already aches for her and this part of the process.

#5 We will wonder “what were we thinking” at least once during our pick up trip. Our friends and family are all lined up for this.  “Adoption isn’t something you do alone.” -Joleigh Nicole #ittakesavillage

#6 We might not connect right away. #FakeItTilYaMakeIt

#7 Our first goal is attachment, not discipline. #Redirecting

#8 Hugs & Kisses: They may be legitimately terrified of you, please be respectful of their boundaries. 

#9 Establishing family is important: for the first few months we will be entering what is known to the adoptive world as cocooning. Basically, we will be limiting visitors and becoming temporary homebodies. #Weirdos

#10 Another big part of establishing family means that: we’d prefer (for a little while) that only Mama and Daddy meet their needs for: food, comfort, etc. 

#11 Our new daughter is biologically 4 years old.  However, she have grown up in an institution and will be “delayed.” This is normal; we are OK with it, and you can be too. 

#12 Speaking of delayed…we also plan on “regressing,” as much as she will allow. This will look really odd to the rest of the world; however, regressing allows children to experience all of the stages of development they missed. FYI: We may use a bottle, spoon feed, rock her to sleep, co-sleep, play with infant toys etc.

#13 Our main goal for the year is attaching, connecting and learning some English. I don’t know when she might catch up, and frankly, it doesn’t matter. She will get there, when she gets there. 

#14 With that in mind, our daughter may look different than yours for several years. Please remember, their journey is unique. (And thank you for being a part of it!)

“I always questioned if I was ready to adopt and then realized that no child was ready to be an orphan.” -Unknown

Signed,

   Mama Bear

Facebook Group

We have created a Facebook page to update with daily pictures, etc. during our trip. This is probably the easiest way for us to daily add pictures quickly. We will look into maybe starting a separate Instagram account for those not on Facebook.
Search for Bringing Hobbs Home- Our Adoption adventure to bringing Ella home! Or go to my profile and click the link to request to join. Thanks!

Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

There have been many times I have clung to this verse in my life. We've grown through so many different circumstances that have crossed our paths and wouldn't trade some of our trials for anything. We know it develops perseverance, character, and hope. It builds our faith that might otherwise remain at a steady level. I've learned to be thankful no matter what our circumstances and be filled with JOY that comes from the Lord.

This week we have really felt a few attacks on our family. We feel strongly that spiritual warfare is taking place against our family as we fight to bring home an orphan and spread Gods love to another part of the world.
-Thursday morning we had a crazy flooding disaster in our home- 2nd floor toilet ran for a few hours- enough to damage our entire downstairs and move us to hotel-living for awhile. A total downstairs renovation from floor to ceiling- and partial upstairs renovation.
-Brad's precious grandfather passed away. This was expected- but still an emotional blow.
-Our AC unit went out and needed repair.

And the list continues. BUT we are feeling blessed and surrounded by Gods favor. It isn't our ideal timing, or plan, but God's got this and we trust in His timing, his pruning, and his ways all around. These are the positives that we are already experiencing despite these major setbacks-
-We have been able to share our story of adoption and our peace (which surpasses understanding) to so many we have come in contact with. Worker crews, contractors, store clerks, hotel workers, strangers at restaurants. The girls love to tell our story.
-We have been able to talk with our girls about the truths of spiritual warfare- and give them tangible examples that they can store in their little minds and hearts. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." The GOOD news is that God's already got this battle covered- we just have to tap into His resources and claim the victory!
- We get to design/remodel parts of our home that we will really enjoy in the long run!! Kitchen, floors, paint, carpet and bathrooms! More than we could ever imagined- but all improvements!
-The girls are getting GREAT practice at hotel life and living. We will be in China for 2 solid weeks doing hotels- so this week and a half before hand has been a good run through. We will possibly have to return to this same hotel once we are back from China. Regardless- our girls are being fabulous.
-No cooking or cleaning on my part for awhile.
-I have already had to pack and get organized for our trip. No procrastinating allowed when you don't have the luxury of putting it off at home.
-Brad and I have taken notice to the stress levels and possibility of really feeling division between the two of us- as we step into traveling, new parenting, and different family dynamics. Thankfully we both are feeling God give us grace for one another already and have been on the same page.
- and last but not least- we feel the power of friends and family who are loving, providing help, and praying for us. Please continue to lift us up as we prepare this week and as we travel in the weeks to come!

Travel Approval!!!

We received our official invitation to come to China on August 1st!! That was a super fast turn around for travel approval. We are so thankful that the 2 other families we have befriended got their TA the same day and we will be able to travel together. We secured our consulate appointment the following day- and will have an 8/30 consulate appointment in Guangzhou as our last stop before coming home. So our trip details and flights were booked on Wednesday- we used adoption airfare for our flights and a precious friend of a friend named Angela to do our Beijing travel and sight seeing. We leave Wednesday, August 17th and will hopefully be returning home on Thursday September 1st!! Home just in time to celebrate my birthday on the 3rd with some good old fashioned jet lag!! ❤️ 

The countdown begins...

The last couple of months have been a whirlwind! They have been filled with filling out forms, signing documents, applying for visas, obsessively checking for updates via email (by this I mean refreshing it at least 800 times a day), stalking China adoption facebook groups to see how others are progressing, calculating every different travel date scenario possible according to our latest approval, waiting, and lots of PRAYING!!! Here is our timeline for everything post home study/USCIS pre-approval for those who are curious about the process:

•DTC (documents to China)- 4/28

•LID (login date) & pre-approval- 5/9

•Received Ella's file- 5/12

•LOI (requesting Ella spefically)- 5/18

•LOA (approval from China)- 6/14

•I-800 approval from USCIS- 7/1

•National Visa Center cabled the petition for Ella's  visa to the US Embassy in China- 7/13

•Article 5 (paper work to finalize Ella's visa) this takes exactly 2 weeks and  will be overnighted to CCCWA in Beijing- 7/28

•TRAVEL APPROVAL-invitation from China to get our girl!! ???? Pray it comes 8/3 or 8/4 so we could possibly go ahead and get a consulate appointment scheduled in the books on 8/5....before the weekend! 

What does all of this mean? As of July 13th we have officially jumped through ALL of the hoops (China now knows us better than we know ourselves), and we are just WAITING for China to invite us on over to get Ella!!! This could take two days or it could take two weeks after our pick up date (7/28). Ideally we would love to get travel approval the first week of August. That would mean we could leave 8/17!! So if you see me obsessively checking my phone or if I forget to text or call you back…please have some grace!!! My mind is in CHINA.

As you can see from reading our timeline, this entire process has only taken us nine short months- from November to August! Although at times it has felt like an eternity- in the adoption world, this is extremely quick! Average adoption times are around 12 to 18 months. I believe God had Ella waiting for our family as soon as we yielded to His calling to adopt! 

These are such uncharted waters. It’s so difficult for me to put into words all that I’m feeling and thinking these days. I want to get our girl home as quickly as possible, but at the same time I am doing my best to be present with my girls and soak up time with them. I’m counting the days until we leave for China, but I’m nervous about being a mom of 4 girls! I’m so excited to meet her and hold her and love on her, yet I’m terrified all at the same time. Honestly, I think my adoption hormones and mood swings may be worse than pregnancy. But in spite of all of that, God continues to faithfully and gently remind me that this is HIS plan. He is entrusting Ella to us as our daughter. And HE will give us grace with each step we take. He reminded me again with an unexpected blessing and donation tonight!!  (Side note: God has now provided almost $20,000 from all of you who have been obedient to his call to give. This is HUGE.) I’m so thankful for this call to adopt. It’s been such a privilege and blessing to watch the Lord work. And I know it’s just the beginning. I can’t wait to watch him work once we get Ella home.

Please continue to pray for Ella's heart to be prepared for us and ours for her. Please also pray that we receive travel approval QUICKLY (by 8/4), and that we can find reasonable flights that will work well for our party of 6 traveling to China- and party of 7 coming back home. My mom will graciously be traveling with us to help with whatever we need. We are so thankful she is taking time off from work to hold our hands as we begin life with Ella. We are so grateful for all of your love and support, and hope to update you all with good news of definite travel plans SOON!!!

The last update and picture from the orphanage came last week. Her current measurements- 

33 inches tall, 30 lbs, her little feet- 5.5 inches (size 7)

We are coming soon Ella!!! Less than a month!!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

This week

This week was fairly uneventful as we are waiting for our article 5 pick up. We did receive some more paperwork (surprise!), another few hours of training videos, and a post adoption phone conference with our agency. We also got our passports with Chinese Visas inside!! Yay!!! 

We hope that maybe we will have TA (travel approval) by August 2nd. We have gotten quotes from one travel agent who is with Adoption Airfare. We will likely check with a few more...but it's looking like we will hopefully be able to leave Wednesday, August 17th and have our Gotcha day on the following Monday, August 22nd!!🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💗💗💗 We are planning to fly into Beijing and see some sights for two days- then take the bullet train down south to Guangzhou where we will stay the remainder of the trip. Depending on when our consulate appointment takes place we could possibly come home on  Wednesday the 31st or September 1st!! Yay for a rough draft itinerary...we can't wait!! 

Amazon prime shopping is a dream!! We've started ordering things and preparing our stuff to pack in just a few short weeks. It's so exciting when a new package arrives on the doorstep. Even diapers! It's the little things like that which are making it feel the most real. 

LOTS of info being given to us through online meetings and videos. 

Spending our free time reading up on our new daughters heritage...even 2-3 grade reading levels offer us great info! 

We are so close!!!! Pray all goes smoothly in the planning process for our trip. 

GUZ # and secret codes!

Our next step in this crazy process was to email DAILY for about a week to find out our GUZ number and invoice ID in order to be able to fill out the next forms online. I had faithfully been emailing- but randomly decided late Thursday night to call and see what I could find out. Thankfully after 28 minutes of being on hold and conversing with a Uscis officer in New Hamphire...I got our numbers!!!! We have been assigned a GUZ (from the city in China where consulate is- Guangzhou) and our invoice ID!! Woohoo!!! Tiny milestones that make an adoptive mamas heart skip a beat!!! 

I quickly attempted to log onto the next form/application only to have my bubble burst when I couldn't access it at that time. Apparently this is very common- I learned this from watching others attempt and discuss on Facebook threads- so I knew it wasn't just me. I went to bed anxious to wake up early the next morning to try to log in.  And it worked!! Another high and exciting step on our journey. A great way to start off Ella's birthday weekend!!

So now things move fast- but slow. We are daily waiting for a response email with an attachment letter we have to obtain...in order to do what is called an article 5 drop off!😉 Which means nothing to most- but basically we literally have our documents dropped off in China and then picked up/approved 10 business days later. And of course it can only be on a Monday, Tuesday or Thursday to make the process trickier. But THEN travel approval can be issued- in a few days or up to a few weeks. But but that is when we will begin booking our tickets and trip details!! 

You probably don't care to follow as detailed as this- so I'll leave it short and simple that by the end of July we SHOULD have travel approval and be able to travel 2 weeks after that!! 💗